Dear Leftist Americans:
There are plenty of things I didn’t like (and still don’t) about Donald Trump, especially during the primaries. Issues which I vocalized for all to hear. That’s the beauty of the United States. We get to air those grievances freely, and as Trump has shown with his Twitter, publicly.
I never liked Barack Obama as president. But I also never jumped aboard the sinking ship Birther Movement (only a fraction of Americans sailed that raggedy dinghy). Instead of whining about legitimacy, I actively opposed Obama by educating people about his corrosive policies. Yes, fine, I also made fun of his ears. Fair game. That’s the beauty of an American president. A king appointed by divine right he most certainly is not. Every Commander in Chief deserves to be mocked. It’s our God-given right. Nay our duty.
What isn’t a God given right, though, is changing the rules because you dislike the outcome. Screaming, kicking, wailing and committing acts of domestic terrorism when you don’t get your way? Come on. Even toddlers have limits. Sure, it’s wholly American to dislike your President. Despise even. See aforementioned Dumbo impersonator. But it is wholly un-American to undermine the election process through which that president is chosen. Especially when your reasons presented for said infantile tantrums are as foolish as the protests you host.
“But the electoral college!”
Yes. The electoral college. It was created for a reason and it will continue to exist for that same reason. I haven’t the time to regale you with the full history here, so watch the video below. Quick summary: the bicoastal elitists who hate the electoral college are precisely why the college is needed. Much like a jockstrap. For you leftists… a small jockstrap. Also, your states are the worst in the country. I don’t care how many single-origin coffee shops spring up.
“But the Russians!”
Okay. Far be it from me to defend dissident-jailing Putin. I’m not a fan, not now not ever. But the Russians hacking/influencing the American election? You have no proof. No, no, hacking the DNC isn’t the same as hacking the election. When given ample opportunity to provide proof, you’ve tossed up your hands for more tantrums. Based on these tantrums, I must conclude you have no intention of providing proof. Regardless, if you manage to drum up what is commonly referred to as “evidence,” we’ll gladly sift through it. Under a Donald Trump Presidency. Them be the breaks.
“But the stereotypes!”
Hate the stereotypes conservatives have applied to you? Those stereotypes being you’re whiny little snowflakes in need of safe spaces? That you live in an insulated bubble, are incapable of understanding how the world works and refuse to remain consistent on any issue for more than half a decade? You know how you hate being labeled that way?
I get it. Nobody likes misinterpretations. So work the problem. Start with the cessation of your perpetual whining. You wimpy bastards. A mature adult accepts their losses. A champion grows from his or her mistakes, then returns stronger. See any and all movies relating to sports.
So accept the result of this election. You don’t have to like the outcome, but you must accept it. Because it’s reality. Bitching about reality doesn’t change it. If it did, you would know by now. Instead of assigning scapegoats, how about taking a look at yourselves? And listening to yourselves. Put the bullhorn down first, though. Deafness. You lost by record numbers in states that haven’t gone red in decades. Is it because of the KGB? Is it because of FoxNews? No. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because you’ve become so insulated and out of touch with the American populous, you had no grip on reality when it took hold. Largely because you actively rejected reality at every opportunity. See also transgenderism.
Maybe you need to get out more. Maybe you should engage others, who aren’t regulars in your gender-queer bubble, in conversation. Without screaming. Perhaps regular bathing would be of assistance. Any brand of soap is better than no soap. Be not afraid.
The point is, you lost. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you take a hard look at yourselves, the sooner you’ll figure out where you went wrong. Then, and only then, can we engage in meaningful policy debates. Should you opt out of self-examination, and pass the buck for the next round of the Blame Game… well that’s what losers do.
I’d rather you stop being such epic losers. I’m getting tired of so much winning. Love you.
~ Written by Steven Crowder and Courtney Kirchoff